What’s in a name?

I wrote the following “essay” a week or so ago.  I will use it as my blog entry for today. Enjoy.

I named my baby after Jesus?

Little girls often “name” their babies, long before they are old enough to actually have them.  I used to write lists of cute names for boys and girls when I was 10 or 12.  Looking back now, some of them were pretty silly.  One of my favorites, Jealsea.  For some reason I thought Jealousy would make a pretty name, though it had such an ugly meaning.  So I thought I’d give it my own little spin.   I grew up to have a beautiful little baby girl, whom we did not name Jealsea.  Our precious baby, with us for only 5 short months, had a name long before she was born though.

 It still amazes me how many people know about, prayed for, and love our little angel.  She touched more lives, more hearts, in her 5 short months, than most people do in 50 years.  She was a powerful little girl, with a very powerful name.  My husband and I had a name picked out for her for more than 2 years before she would actually be conceived.   I didn’t see it at the time, but I know now that someone much bigger than us must have played a role in naming her.  It wasn’t until we conceived Kaiya, and found out that we were in fact having a little girl, that I looked up the meaning of her name.  I thought nothing of it when I found it meant forgiveness.  I thought it was kind of silly, really, but at least it was a pleasant meaning.  At least it wasn’t jealousy!  For months we thought nothing of it.  We planned for her arrival.  We kept her name a secret until she was born.  As she began to grow and take on her wonderful little personality, we were so happy we chose such a pretty and different name for her.  She was beautiful, and so was her name. 

It would be 5 months before the meaning of her name made any sense to us.  Another two months after that, before I would bother to look up the meaning of her middle name, Rae.  You see, Kaiya Rae was taken from us suddenly, by an evil disease called SIDS.  Her heart and lungs stopped functioning suddenly, during an afternoon nap, just one day before she would turn 5 months.  Kaiya Rae was rushed to the hospital, but despite all efforts to save her, it took over an hour and lots of medication to get her little heart beating again.  What a strong heart it was!   She was with us, physically, for another 24 hours or so.  Her little brain though, without oxygen for so long that fateful day, just did not work any longer.  It is, in my opinion, the hardest thing any parent will ever have to do; to make the decision to pull life support from your infant child.  It was then, the day she turned 5 months, the day she left us to return home to Heaven.  It was that day we began to realize the power of her name. 

It would take courage, strength, hope and a lot of love and support to get through the next few days, and beyond.  Most of all though, it would take faith, and of course forgiveness.  We would need to forgive, in order to keep faith.  We would need to forgive God for sending us a baby not meant to stay.  We would need to forgive Him for not saving her, for not sending us the miracle we prayed for.  We would need Him to forgive us for being angry with Him.  We would need to forgive many people around us.  Those who didn’t know what to say, and instead of saying nothing at all, said some pretty idiotic things to us.  Our sweet angel baby gave us this gift; the gift of forgiveness toward others.  At this point, I realized the power of her sweet little name.  This, however, was just the beginning!

Almost two months later, at brunch with a friend, I discussed the meaning of Kaiya. This would be the first time anyone would ask me what her middle name, Rae, meant.  I’m not sure why, but I, nor anyone else, had ever really questioned what it meant.  I went home that day and immediately looked it up.  I wasn’t sure what to think at first.  Rae, I found out that day, means lamb.  It was this friend who pointed out how powerful this was.  Kaiya Rae; Forgiveness Lamb.  Jesus, she told me, was the Forgiveness Lamb.  Sent here to Earth, to be sacrificed on the cross, so that we would all be forgiven.  I knew all this, I’m a faithful person.  It just never occurred to me this way, in this situation.  How powerful.  How wonderful.  This little girl, named years before she came to us, was named after Jesus Christ. 

I believe He had a hand in us choosing this special name.  For He knew she would be sent to us, long before we did.  He knew she was not meant to stay long, and that it would take a lot of faith in Him, the Lamb of God, and much forgiveness toward and from Him, for us to go on.  I will never understand, in this life, why He chose us, or why she was sent here.  I do not know what it was she sought to learn, or if it was me that taught it to her.  I only know this.  She was a powerful little girl, with a very powerful name. 

I told you that I would tell you all about her name in a future post!  “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.” You’ve got it all wrong Miss Juliette!   A name is a powerful thing.

Funny how a name can mean so much.  Do you know what yours means?


Kaiya Rae’s Momma


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. harleighjanesmama
    Jan 25, 2011 @ 15:57:43

    This is truly an amazing post. Kaiya was such a good girl, and was so strong. She will forever be in our hearts.


  2. Krista
    Jan 26, 2011 @ 17:31:12

    That’s beautiful – what a perfect name for a truly loved little girl who has touched so many lives in and after her short time here. Thanks so much for sharing!


  3. Marisela
    Jan 29, 2011 @ 03:22:09

    A beautiful name for a beautiful special baby girl!! (:

    Zachary means: The Lord Remembers
    Aiden means: Little Fire

    I would love your feed back on this


  4. Stephanie
    Jan 31, 2011 @ 23:31:58

    I finally had some quiet time to sit down and read this. I am so glad I did. She will be forever remember and always loved.


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