I was going to change the world

When I was a little girl I used to tell my mom I was going to change the world.  How I was going to change it would morph into new ideas as I grew, but I always thought I was destined to do something great.  I wanted to save the rain forests, feed the poor, heal the sick, save lost souls.  Most people poke fun at beauty pageant contestants’ cliche wishes for “world peace.”  Not me.  I really did think it might come true some day.  I wished on stars and birthday candles.  “If you dream it, it is so” they say.  Back then it seemed so simple.  Back in the days when having no date to my first school dance, was my biggest problem.

I long for those days.  The days when I thought I could change the world. Some days I don’t even have the energy to change my clothes. Life doesn’t always go the way we planned it.  I still have dreams, I just can’t remember them now.  My biggest dream, my biggest accomplishment, the light of my life, is gone.  I would say my dreams died with her, but I know that’s not true.  It sure feels like it though.  As I said before, I am not the same girl I once was.  What happened to that little girl, with those big dreams?

She is broken and cold.

I was going to change the world, but I have forgotten how.

 

Love,

Kaiya Rae’s Momma

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