Oh the hurdles you will cross

I find myself thinking today of the book “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Doctor Seuss.  Only I think I should re-write his book.  I would call it “Oh the Hurdles You’ll Cross” by Grieving Momma.  It would be a book encouraging SIDS moms and other moms who have lost children, to trudge on.

All the hurdles

Big and Small

Yes, oh yes

You’ll cross them all


Do you think Dr. Seuss would be offended if I kept going?  Kaiya, can you find him and ask him for me? I am sure he is up there in Heaven with you.  I think it would be a big hit.  Maybe that is a project for another day!

Anyway, this is all brought up because I crossed another hurdle today.  I did something I didn’t think I would be able to do.  I made it through a session with the little boy with whom I was in the middle of a session the day my water broke and I was about to give birth to Kaiya.  I remember saying to this little boy’s mother “I will never forget you guys, for as long as I live,” the first time I saw them after returning from maternity leave.  It was just such a pivotal moment in my life.  My life would change forever that day, and that little boy was in my office when it all began!  I didn’t think I could ever face him again.  I thought for sure I would break down in tears at the sight of his face.  I got away with not seeing him until now, because he only attends therapy 1x per month, and he couldn’t make it in January due to scheduling issues.  Today was the first time I have seen him since Kaiya died.  This probably doesn’t mean much to most of you.  If you were in my shoes you would totally understand.  Any little thing you over come that you thought would be way to hard to face, is another mini victory in the life of a SIDS mom.  So are you anxious for verdict? Did I cry?  I did not.  My head went round and round the day my water broke, Kaiya’s birth, and straight up to the day she died.  But, I did not cry.  Was it the best therapy session this little boy has ever had? No it was not.  But, I made it through.  I did not cry.  We did get work done.  He is no more worse for ware.

Thank you my guardian angel, for watching over me every day.  Thank you, God, for the strength and courage you send me every day.

I love you Kaiya Rae.

Forever Strong,

Kaiya Rae’s Momma.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. amourningmom
    Feb 10, 2011 @ 21:15:31

    I am glad that you made it through the session. I know it was not easy. Take care of yourself.


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