How did we get here?

One year.  This Friday, June 17th, 2011 at 4:00pm Kaiya Rae will be 1 whole year old.  One year filled with every emotion possible.  One year filled with so many tears.  Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of anger, tears of sadness, tears, tears, tears.  How did we get here?  How did a whole year go by already?  Just yesterday she was lying in a hospital bed while we all prayed for a miracle, and just a day before that I was lying in one praying for her to be here soon so I could hold her for the first time.  Why does it always seem like life stands still when we want it to move faster, and is gone in a blur when we wish it would slow down so we could enjoy it?  How on Earth did we go from this:

to this
in the blink of an eye, and what happened to everything else in between?

I have said it before, and I will say it again.  I am forever changed.  I am not the same person I was before you came into my life miss Kaiya Rae, and I am not the same person I was with you in it.  Your presence changed me, your absence has changed me yet again.  My sole purpose in life is to carry on the legacy of a 5 month old baby who had more power and grace than I could ever dream of having with in myself.

How did we get here?  How did we get to June 13th, 2011?  Wasn’t I just begging my husband to be ready to try for our first baby?  In a blink she was here, in another she was gone.  Somehow, through it all, I am still breathing.  You may not know it, sweet angel, but you haven’t only changed momma and daddy, you have changed the world.  The moment you were born, the whole world was changed, forever.  We celebrate you today and always.  We love you Kaiya Rae.

Love,

KaiyaRae’s Momma


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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jasmine
    Jun 13, 2011 @ 11:29:32

    Oh Andrea my heart still breaks for you and I still remember that day when we were all anxiously waiting to hear updates on precious Kaiya. Words will never be enough but Kaiya has most definitely changed the world as you said

    Reply

  2. Rebecca
    Jun 13, 2011 @ 11:31:50

    Hugs mama i cant say this enough you are a AMAZING,strong woman. You introduced us to Kaiya and shared her life with us and because of that we will never forget her t his post is 1 of many you have brought tears to my eyes Andrea you are living every mothers nightmare and 1 that many moms and dads take for granted yet you are standing behind kaiya and and showing yours and her memories to all of us. You have a million of us behind you so never feel alone and never be afraid to vent,cry scream we will listen love ya girl…

    Reply

  3. Wendy
    Jun 13, 2011 @ 13:22:53

    I think of you and Kaiya every day, and I will never understand why she left so young.

    Reply

  4. harleighjanesmama
    Jun 15, 2011 @ 23:40:31

    I love you more then anything Andrea. I think of Kaiya countless times everyday. I love her and miss her. She was/is my “niece”. You know I am here. A call or text away.

    Reply

  5. Tiffany
    Jun 17, 2011 @ 11:54:03

    Happy Birthday Kaiya! ❤

    Reply

  6. KnottedFingers
    Jun 26, 2011 @ 04:21:42

    I found you on Justmommies. I’m Melissa and my little girl passed away on 7/7/2007 at 23 days old.

    Kaiya was beautiful and I’m so sorry for your loss. Her headstone is beautiful

    Reply

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