My life in a song

The following song was originally written by Luke Laird, Hillary Lindsey, and Hillary Scott and is sung by Sarah Evans.  I have re-written some of the lyrics to fit the song to my life, my loss and my current stage of being at peace with Kaiya’s passing and learning to live again.

Lyrics in Italics have been changed by me. 

Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work, and I’m trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I’m getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

And I’m done hoping that we can bring you back,
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Trying to figure out, what went wrong.
And ohhh
I’m done thinking, that this could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

Doesn’t happen over night, but you turn around and a weeks gone by,
And you realize you haven’t cried.
I’m not missing you an hour or a second or another minute less, but.
I’m busy getting stronger.

And I’m done hoping that we can bring you back,
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Trying to figure out, what went wrong.
And ohhh
I’m done thinking, that this could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
Trying to live again without you baby,
Moving on, but I miss you baby,
I’m getting stronger every day baby.

And I’m done hoping that we can bring you back,
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Trying to figure out, what went wrong.
And ohhh
I’m done thinking, that this could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

I’m just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

It isn’t easy to stop wondering why, and wishing to go back in time and change it.  The thoughts often creep into my head still, and I must push them away.  I have realized this is just the way it is.  I cannot buy a time machine, and even if I could, how would I change something, when we don’t even know what happened in the first place.  She is gone.  I am stronger because of her.  I am moving on because I have to.  I don’t miss her any less.  I am no less angry, sad or devestated that my baby died.  It just gets easier to live with a smile on my face, as each day passes.  I remind myself that my weakest days are the days in which she is nearer to me than ever.  These are the days that make me even stronger. 

I love you dearly Miss Kaiya Rae.  Forever and Always. It is through you, I find the strength to live again.

Love,

KaiyaRae’s Momma

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. sarah gibbish
    Jul 11, 2011 @ 03:52:30

    my baby cousin passed away from sids, i am so very sorry ❤

    Reply

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