Time in a bottle

The final milestone in the first year of grief is almost here. In a very short 10 days, it will be the 1 YEAR anniversary of her death. The last year can only be described as the longest year of my life that has passed by the most quickly. It is strange, isn’t it? How a single moment can pass so painfully slow, and yet way to quickly all at the same time. Each moment still seems this way. I can’t believe it has been a whole year since I held her in my arms and yet at the same time it feels like ages ago that I last felt her skin against mine. It’s been way too long since I have kissed her cheeks, and yet I feel like I dropped her off at daycare for the last time just a moment ago. Time is a strange thing. It becomes even more strange when you are grieving. Time is precious and we don’t have enough of it. That I know for certain. So why do we constantly wish moments would pass more quickly? Because time hurts too. I try to remember that life can change in a single moment, and I should cherish every one. I try. I still find myself wishing moments would pass faster during a long day at work. I still find myself wishing May would come sooner, and this baby will be here. I try not to wish it were May 2013 and this baby is already 1. I don’t want to rush your life sweet Rainbow baby, but I want so badly to know that you are still here in May 2013. I don’t want to miss a moment, and yet I want moments to pass more quickly. Time. It all revolves around time. How much we have. How fast it goes. How we spend it. We can’t bottle it. We can’t get it back once it’s gone. These are things I need to remind myself every day. Don’t rush it. Enjoy each moment. Please, time, be kind to me. Please brain, don’t beg for less of it, or for it pass more quickly. Please enjoy every moment. Life can change in minute, and hour, a day, a week, a year. There are no guarantees. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, so don’t forget to enjoy today. I remember and cherish each and every moment I had with you sweet Kaiya. I only wish they hadn’t passed so quickly.

Rainbows and Ladybugs. Forever and Always.

KaiyaRae’s Momma


“Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change.”
Thomas Hardy