Time in a bottle

The final milestone in the first year of grief is almost here. In a very short 10 days, it will be the 1 YEAR anniversary of her death. The last year can only be described as the longest year of my life that has passed by the most quickly. It is strange, isn’t it? How a single moment can pass so painfully slow, and yet way to quickly all at the same time. Each moment still seems this way. I can’t believe it has been a whole year since I held her in my arms and yet at the same time it feels like ages ago that I last felt her skin against mine. It’s been way too long since I have kissed her cheeks, and yet I feel like I dropped her off at daycare for the last time just a moment ago. Time is a strange thing. It becomes even more strange when you are grieving. Time is precious and we don’t have enough of it. That I know for certain. So why do we constantly wish moments would pass more quickly? Because time hurts too. I try to remember that life can change in a single moment, and I should cherish every one. I try. I still find myself wishing moments would pass faster during a long day at work. I still find myself wishing May would come sooner, and this baby will be here. I try not to wish it were May 2013 and this baby is already 1. I don’t want to rush your life sweet Rainbow baby, but I want so badly to know that you are still here in May 2013. I don’t want to miss a moment, and yet I want moments to pass more quickly. Time. It all revolves around time. How much we have. How fast it goes. How we spend it. We can’t bottle it. We can’t get it back once it’s gone. These are things I need to remind myself every day. Don’t rush it. Enjoy each moment. Please, time, be kind to me. Please brain, don’t beg for less of it, or for it pass more quickly. Please enjoy every moment. Life can change in minute, and hour, a day, a week, a year. There are no guarantees. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, so don’t forget to enjoy today. I remember and cherish each and every moment I had with you sweet Kaiya. I only wish they hadn’t passed so quickly.

Rainbows and Ladybugs. Forever and Always.

Love,
KaiyaRae’s Momma

 

“Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change.”
Thomas Hardy

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Katie Patterson & Family
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 20:21:24

    So happy to hear your exciting news – our prayers are with you and Karl.

    Reply

  2. Melissa McConnell
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 14:22:25

    You have no idea how much I can relate to you! In ten days, it will mark the first year without my daughter. I am also due (with a baby boy) in March..I certainly share the same emotions as you have listed!

    Reply

  3. Lee Ann
    Nov 20, 2011 @ 16:40:33

    Such a great post Andrea.

    Reply

  4. Maxie's Mommy
    Nov 28, 2011 @ 14:35:40

    My baby boy, Maxie, stopped breathing at 9 and a half months at daycare on July 19th, 2011. The last four months have been the longest of my life. I wish the days to pass quickly but dread the coming day. At the same time, the further away I get from the last time I kissed my little man, the sadder I am. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can very much relate.

    Reply

    • Camrons MOM
      Mar 10, 2012 @ 12:06:19

      My name is Jennifer I lost my precious Camron Dec 30 20113 days shy of him being 5 months. I have been looking for someone who has been htrough what i have been thew and i read your reply and you have spoken exactly what I am feeling wishing to just make it threw another day and then you realize its another your sweet angel is gone and then Friday comes (the day we lost our angel). I hate Fridays and I hate Sundays I really think I hate everyday i have had to spend without Camron. Why me? Why you? I just saw on the newa this am a woman beat her 3 yr old daughter to death it nearly brought me to my knees why the loving parents not that I wish this on anyone or any child. If you would like to maybe keep in touch I would be so greatful. Please let me know.
      Jennifer Huey

      jenn1995@live.com

      Reply

      • Grieving.Momma
        Aug 18, 2012 @ 11:05:12

        I just realized I think anyone can see these comments so I took your address and phone number out of your comment Jennifer. I hope you are smiling today.

  5. amourningmom
    Dec 16, 2011 @ 22:46:40

    I hope you made it through the first anniversary as best as you could. Thinking of you. Take care.

    Reply

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