The Lord has responded

If you are an avid blog follower you know that I have been expecting my little rainbow baby.  You also know that I have a thing for names and their meanings.  It is with great pride and immense joy that I announce to the blog world that Eliana Nicole arrived 1 week ago today, 4/29/12 at 7:56am.  She weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 5.2oz and 20 inches long.  She seems so tiny to me though!  She is truly a gift from God.  She looks a lot like her big sister.  The moment I looked down and saw her in the doctor’s arms my heart filled with every emotion possible and I cried like I haven’t cried in a long time.  She is amazing.  She truly lives up to the meaning of her beautiful name: “the Lord has responded”.   We prayed for another baby.  I prayed for a little girl.  We prayed for an easier/shorter labor and delivery.  My friends, the Lord has responded.  From the time I started contracting at home to her arrival was less than 12 hours.  I pushed 3x and she was in my arms.  She is a beautiful, healthy and strong little girl.  He could not have responded more perfectly, more accurately.  Our prayers have been answered.

So, you ask, what is it like raising a newborn after losing your first to SIDS?  It’s just like raising a newborn, only scarier.  I don’t check her every 3 seconds when she is sleeping….anymore.  It only took a few days to overcome that one.  I actually sleep when she sleeps.  I check on her a bit more often that I would have with Kaiya, but not obsessively.  For the first time last night I woke up before she woke me with her whines and cries.  I did not freak out and grab her and wake her thinking she wasn’t breathing, like I thought I would.  I simply looked over the edge of her cosleeper bassinet, saw the little rise and fall of her chest, and layed back down.  We have an Angel Care monitor and a Snuza monitor in her closet.  They were given to me by complete strangers from a message board I belong to.  I am eternally grateful for all the support.  However, they haven’t left the closet, and I’d say that’s HUGE in our world.  That may change when she moves into her own room, but for now, they remain in her closet.  Every day I rejoice for another day with my precious girl.  How do I sleep, or walk away when she’s sleeping, without being over taken with fear and anxiety?  Faith.  I mush believe that this child is here to stay.  I just trust God.  That’s all I can do.  I cannot see the future.  I can not change what is meant to happen.  I just trust that this time is different, and it will not happen again.  It isn’t easy, and I have to say it out load a lot to make myself believe it, but I do.  She has a special angel watching over her, and I trust her and God to keep her safe.

I am completely and totally in love.

I love you with all my heart Eliana Nicole.

Miss Kaiya Rae, you will always be momma’s baby and I love you more today than ever.  Continue to watch over your little sister forever and always.

Love,

KaiyaRae’s Momma